I had an absolutely fantastic trip to Ladakh. It's a magical place with scenery that is so unique - desert, river, mountain and snow - all in one single photograph! I was just gazing out of the bus and watching the scenery unfold and transform every so often. And the serenity of being the only ones for miles on end (at least as far as the eye could see), was a feeling that humbled me. I had many "who are you" moments when I came face-to-face with the most majestic mountains - and my mind went back to the silly things I used to bother myself with at work and at home. And here I was standing - so little - in front of only one of God's innumberable humbling creations, and I asked myself the question - "who am I in front of this magnificient creation"?, "my worries are so insignificant as compared to what exists around me".
Buddhism came back into my mind and my life - the last time was when I travelled to Sikkim and Bhutan. The peace, the slow-and-almost-silent chants and the time-has-no-meaning feeling in a monastery pulled me towards the Buddha. When I sat with my eyes closed in the monastery, a number of thoughts went through my mind, and some of them started to shine - almost like I was being shown some truths of material and spiritual life. Some of these thoughts were:
1) Nirvana is about living in the present moment - free of the bonds of the past and the worries of the future.
This made my realize how much of my time gets wasted in thinking of the past and future, while what I have at that moment slips by forever.
2) Reduce the number of variables in your life.
I have overloaded my brain and my life with so many things - most of which that are out of my control. When I travel to work, I worry about the weather, the traffic, the conference call coming up, the sales figures, the tough client, etc, etc. I can hardly control 2 or 3 of these things, while the rest will never be in my control - the weather, for instance. Or traffic. And yet, these things occupy so much of my mind, that I get pensive and restless and lead a sad day yet again, without once realizing the pleasure of the song playing in my car and the pleasant memories associated with it.
In a larger context, I also worry about my marriage and my parents and my job and my house, etc, etc. The realization I had was that the monks renounce material attachments one-by-one until they are only living for the present moment. No attachments hold them back. No house, no car, no insurance payments, no boss, no spouse, no family. And I felt the awakening to the fact that I need to start reducing the variables in my life - one at a time. No sudden renunciation - that only leads to more unhappiness. One variable reduced at a time. One thing less to worry about. One step closer to blissful existence.
In 2 days, I embark upon the voyage to chase my dream - film-making, something I should have done 15 years ago, when I almost decided to apply to a course in movie making and management at UCLA. I am heading to UCLA now to pick up the string I had let go of - in the foolish pursuit of a "safer" and "happier" life. I feel now that I need to chase my dream sooner than later, so that no more time is wasted. I don't know where this will lead to, but the desire and passion to finally pursue my dream are too compelling. I am giving myself time and the opportunity to do something I've always wanted to do - with the support of my family - in the hope that it will lead to a happier and more fulfilling life. At the same time, the idea of "Balance between reality and dreams" is making me more grounded in my approach. I dont want reality to derail my dreams. And I cannot ignore reality. So, I will balance the two - because balance is really what material life is about. And the more I am cognizant about this balance, my actions will be more effective. And my dreams will become reality sooner. And my life will be happier.
