Overdue post

The more than one year break came to an end a month and a half ago. I got a job. In the industry ecosystem (media/entertainment) that I wanted. Thank God. I had started applying to my previous industry roles and would've been sad to get and take a job there. Luckily, it all worked out and I am on the right path (hopefully) to a satisfying worklife. I spend a lot of free time happily reading up on the M&E industry....so, it must be the right path if I seem to be enjoying it! :)
Life is changing slowly, but its more of the change towards what is inside. Which is the right kind of change. So, i'm accepting it and it's good because there's no revolt anymore. It's an acceptance and a sort of 'making it all right' effort which is actually quite...effortless. Another indication that I'm probably on the right path...at last. Vedanta has been the eye-opener and the enabler.

There's so much potential in the content industry. As of now, there's such rubbish on TV..and more so because channels are forced to be 24/7 to make ad revenue. Because people wont pay for good content. Because they cant appreciate it. Or maybe because they're so out of touch with good content. But I strongly believe that good content will always triumph. Because deep inside, people are sensible. And irrespective of how many inane shows and movies do well, the really good ones always triumph. The rebel in me is awakening from the past years of deep slumber. I'm happy! :) That is me. As I was made. No conflicts now, only acceptance. And appreciation. And gratitude. Will soon embark on other endevors. Eagerly looking forward to that. More later.

Pav Bhaji

- In a cooker, put adequate water and for 2 whistles of the cooker, cook cauliflower, cabbage, carrots, potatoes and a small brinjal. Keep the water (stock) for later.

- Cut onions, capsicum and tomatoes

- Mash chopped ginger and garlic to make paste

- Fry onions and capsicum

- Add salt, chilli powder and pav-bhaji masala

- Add the ginger-garlic paste

- Add the tomatoes and fry more

- Add the mix-veg mixture and mix

- Add some of the water (stock) to get right consistency

- Bring to boil

- Done

- Garnish with chopped onion, coriander and lemon juice

Chilli pickle

Take green chillies (medium hot) and cut them into half-inch pieces

Add adequate amount of salt and Hing (asafoetida) powder

Roast methi seeds and mustard dal and grind to powder

Add lemon juice (1-2 lemons based on preferred sour-ness)

Add some hot oil with turmeric powder

Mix everything, store

A direction for life

I think I have found a guiding principle and direction for the rest of my life. It's Vedanta - the philosophy and practice.
The days of joblessness resulted in severe introspection, which led me to question & answer myself a thousand times. And eventually, I found clarity and deeper meaning in Vedanta. And I am grateful that I have found a direction and guiding principle in life, no matter where I am, and what I'm doing.
The job should happen soon. And life will continue to happen. But this time, it will all be governed by a direction, a principle...Vedanta.

Amman saaru (Mom's rasam)

Tamarind soaked in water
Add to water and boil (water based on quantity requirement of rasam)
Add ground jeera powder and ground pepper powder (1 teaspoon each) - or readymade rasam powder
Bring water to boil
Add 1 teaspoon jaggery and half teaspoon chilli powder
Add salt to taste
After boiling more, add one cup daal (steamed in pressure cooker)

Separately make tadka with one teaspoon ghee, curry leaves and hing

Add tadka to boiling rasam, boil more for more taste.
Done.

Recipe for 'pudina chutney'

Don't know where else to write it (basically, lazy), so writing it down here. I made some today, and it was yum - all thanks to guidance by Mom.

Pudina leaves
Coriander leaves
Green chillies
Ginger
Salt
Jeera powder
Dhania powder
Sugar (little)

Put all in mixer. Grind to paste. Done.

Middle of extremities: Aware...and Unsure.

I am in a zone these days. Dont really feel like talking much to anyone about anything. There is nothing much to say anyways. And the last thing I need is to hear negative stuff about my situation. It's a weird feeling when compared to the excessively social phase I've been in for a long time in my life now. It's also a phase of inner discovery, of contemplation. Of trauma transformation. Of making peace with myself and the world.

But I also feel hope - and its certainly a weird combination of opposite polarities of hope and despair that I feel almost simulataneously. Maybe I'm becoming more mature and more calm, more level-headed. Maybe extremities don't bother me. Which is great, because that's what Vedanta advocates. And I have become a life-long student of Vedanta. Maybe this phase was essential for my spiritual awakening. Which gives me hope that all this was for the better and that other things will fall in place soon. I do wonder if I should continue hoping? Or should I give in to despair and take up any job that comes along? (which, by the way, is not happening at all!).

So, I am in the middle of extremities. Hope and Despair. Totally aware of being in the middle. Totally unsure of how to proceed from here. So, help me God.

Helplessness, Surrender

I am utterly helpless...the first 'anniversary' of me quitting my last job is around the corner and I still dont have a job I've been trying to get for the past year. I have met almost every studio/network worth joining and still no luck anywhere...
I am at a stage of complete and utter helplessness (which I have hardly ever felt throughout my life). I do not know what I need to do next. I have started applying to the same old IT jobs in the hope that at least I can re-start my salary, and that it will give me a mental boost to keep my search going in the Media/Ent space. But no response from IT jobs too!!

I surrender...what will be, will be.

What I want to do versus What I can do

I went for a meeting with a HR person at a TV company. She asked me what I want to do and I said I want to be in the "business of content" - it was a broad brush-stroke since I did not want to (nor could I) be too specific and rule myself out of possible openings in other areas. She said I should do what really interests me - and I thought to myself - that's nice. Here's a person who can understand me. So, I said I want to be on the Production side.

And she said I dont have relevant experience there! WHAT? I know that, but you asked me what I really want to do!

So, then I said let me do what I've done before - which is something on the Sales side.
And she said if its not what I want to do, then I wont enjoy it! WHAT? I know that, but then I'll never be able to get in!

Each time I meet someone new, I get stuck in this Catch-22 situation. And whether I go prepared (which doesnt help!) or take it as it comes, the result is the same - it's almost like people who dont want to help are looking for a reason to not help! Why? Just introduce me to the functional heads and let them decide! Jeez!!

Karma and Intentions

I have begun to believe in Karma. And I feel sad that only actions are judged, never intentions. So, if I dont get a chance to do a good deed, am I not eligible for good things to happen to me? Even if I never wished anyone any harm and always wished the best for others? Dont intentions matter at all?
I feel the current joblessness streak is a result of Karma...either I've done bad things to people (not true) or I've not done enough good things to people (could be true, but it was never intentional). So, what exactly is going on here? When do I get a job? When I go out of my way to do good things (but then, that's like bribery, isnt it?)?

Doors slam shut

I am tired of doors being slammed shut on my face. No recruiter wants to take a chance on me. None. They want someone who's done the same thing, to yet again do the same thing. I dont get it. I think talent, hard-work and genuine passion in the work is at the top of the list of anyone I would hire in my company - but the recruiters are scared shitless and want to hire 'safe bets'.

I watch multitudes of people walk in and out of offices, trudging along, hating their jobs and yet doing it mindlessly. I made a choice to stop doing that and go after something I really love. But its so damn difficult to convince anyone that I can do better than most people they have in their teams. Because I am committed, I can slog my arse off, and I am talented and I am passionate. Looks like these things dont matter. Only 'relevant experience' does. Shitty, relevant, mindless experience.

The Mahabharata

It is an epic. A story that is the source for all other stories. A creation of God and man. A balance between spirituality and practicality/reality. A book for life.

Underestimating financial-fuel and external factors

When I set out to pursue what I really wanted to do, I severely underestimated 2 things: external factors to work in my favor and the financial-fuel i needed to keep walking down the path that I had chosen.
Being prey to the loud voices of 'take the plunge', 'go for it', 'believe in yourself', etc were fine to the extent that they convinced me of the decision to enter the films/entertainment stream. But what I did not listen to were the voices of reason that asked me to conserve enough cash to keep the financial-fuel pipeline running. Depleting cash reserves may just push me back to the path I have left (at least for the time-being...and I am not happy about that).

Another under-estimated factor - external environment.
I want to do a lot of things, but cannot do it in isolation. I need a job in the film/entertainment industry, and that means that a lot of people who I dont know (and who dont know me) have to take a chance on me. They have to believe in me - which is a very difficult thing for anyone to do. And then, their CEOs, HR, and all the other people have to believe in me too. And then the company needs to have a job that I can do well in which is then dependent on the external business environment, etc. So, a lot of external factors have to fall in place for me to get the initial success on my chosen path.

Next time around, I will be careful and work on these things in parallel. There is no sequential path to success...parallel processing is important.

Are the dots connecting or am I over-dramatizing?

My first co-production "Vitthal" just won the National film award. This is huge. Big stuff. I am so overwhelmed. After so many years of hiding from myself, I am slowly coming out of my shell - to do what I really want to do. 'Vitthal' was a tiny step in that direction. A tentative, shaky step. And now, the awards are pouring in, and the National film award is just immense.
I am still in the hunt, though, for a day job to pay off my debts/expenses...and make some savings for a rainy day and keep doing my projects along the way. Past couple of years have been a real roller-coaster....ups, downs, twists, turns, and the 360 degree turn. Introspection, followed by taking some chances and working hard to get somewhere... is the next step success? If so, then its all so formulaic :) But I dont mind it. I can do with a job for now. :)
Cheers to 'Vitthal'!!!

Hard work

Last week was a killer. Had a couple of 16 hour workdays, and then came the whopper 30-hour workday. And through all of it, I was cheerful as ever. I was loving the work, the brain was loving the hyper-activity and for a long while now, I was actually feeling productive and useful. I realize that among the things I have to set right is the hard-work component in professional and personal (investments, travel, etc) life that has been missing all these years due to the comfort of a regular paycheck. I have chosen the road to run on, and am now looking forward to the marathon I want to run on it. I dont have to, but I want to. And the relaxing weekend that followed felt so well-deserved that I felt proud of taking a break - no nagging thoughts of uselessness. Lazing around rich and fat is not what I term as 'the good life' anymore. I want a hard-working week, harder working investments and a well deserved rest with music, friends and an afternoon nap :) Life ban jaayegi!