Death

My father-in-law's death brought to home some truths that I was trying to avoid. I could not face these truths because practicality was easier to believe. Many years ago, I was a passionate person - passionate about life, work, etc. Then, I started becoming practical - and I lost all zest for life.

As I stood watching over the cremation, one hard raw truth was being branded on my soul - ashes to ashes, dust to dust. And life moves on without giving your death another thought.
Better do what you want in life TODAY - there may be no tomorrow. And what anyone else thinks of you doesnt matter - it only wastes precious time left in this life - there may be no afterlife or re-incarnation.

I think now that I prefer to be in a smaller town, with more time to enjoy life, sights and sounds of clean air and peaceful, happy surroundings. The rat race in the cities is not my idea of life. Certainly not something I would like to look back on as I lie down on my funeral pyre and burn to ashes.

Brand New Learnings

1) Life is always "Work-in-progress" till the very end.
2) Happiness is the true pursuit/destination in life. And happiness is also the journey . The journey and destination are the same! If I'm happy throughout the journey, I'll be happy when I reach the destination too! Wow!
3) I need not have a SINGLE over-riding interest or ambition. I can have 2 or 3.
4) Logic and passion are mutually exclusive. When I don't find comfort in one state, I should switch to the other state. Logic is the best state to be in during a confrontation or when self-control/clarity of thought is important.

Feeling most alone...

When success is achieved or failure takes over.
Hope I don't strut around during success... I will isolate a lot of people who will stay away during my failures.

The Jerry Maguire effect...

All the blinking lights on my phone are switching off... all my prospects built up with much love and attention are refusing to sign contracts... the quarter is ending... am staring down the barrel...
Only one more blinking light... one more faint ray of hope...

Building a team - picking the right players

I am not only becoming more aware of my strengths but also equally aware of my weaknesses. And I have decided to stop wasting time on improving my weaknesses and devote more time to my strengths.
For my weaknesses, I will pick the right players, the right team-members who have strengths in those areas. Eg. for me to make sense of numbers, I have to stare at them LONG and HARD. It takes a lot of time and effort and may not result in too many good deductions.
If I have a person on my team naturally inclined to find patterns in heaps of numerical data, then I better make use of him than break my head on the problem myself.

Building a team is key - not working on individual weaknesses.

Good learning

Always consider yourself poor and downtrodden. It'll keep the hunger alive. It'll keep your ego in check. It'll keep you from relaxing when you're comfortable.

I'm poor and downtrodden...I really am.

Nobody answering my phone

It's the last week of the third quarter in my sales job. Many promises were made by my prospective clients. I went ahead and gave a strong forecast.
And now, my prospects have stopped answering my phone...

I think a sales job is the only job where experience teaches lessons that can NEVER be learnt elsewhere. And a strong mind matters a lot. And a tough skin matters much more. This experience will teach me lots when I run my own business - good experiences and bad ones will all teach me how to predict revenue for my enterprise. So many variables. So much optimism. But, ultimately, results matter.

I am staring at the unanswered calls-list on my mobile. The future looks bleak. I feel lost. I need help, I need a shot in the arm. I need a faint ray of hope. I need an order.

Busy mind

It's been a whirl of mental activity. Married life, professional life, etc. Lot of thoughts, lot of thinking, and a desire to bring it all to a point of sanity! More later, as the sanity (hopefully) settles in!! :)

2 days to go...

Went for the bride's mehndi ceremony today. Short stop before heading home to discuss the rites/rituals with the pandits and parents. After sticking strongly to my stand of 1.5 hr wedding ceremony, I got my way. At least on paper - I cannot trust pandits or parents when it comes to ceremonies.
The house is silent now as everyone is out - few moments of silence before 3 days of chaos. Calm before the storm.

3 days to go

3 days to go for D-day. No anxiety, etc. Passive acceptance of fate! :)
The relatives are in full swing - they always enjoy more than the bridegroom! Well, as they say in India - the weddings are for the relatives - the bridegroom are throwing a really expensive party.
I am off to work to escape the chaos at home.

Phew

The day of the wedding draws nearer. There is no confusion or sense of jitters. It's a mature acceptance - I'm quite pleased about it too.

On the work front, there is more clarity slowly emerging - and also on the practical front. It's better to be practical for now - to be in the real world. Practicality and Idealism can only co-exist in the mind, and not in Reality. It's easier if the two concepts are separately lived. There is no confusion or disillusionment or unhappiness.


I cannot give up what I don't have - so I will live in the real world for the next few years, and live out the real/practical world. Gain all the success I can. And then, maybe, give it up for the idealistic world. Let's see... One step at a time!

Strong statements

Indians are unprofessional.

Had it not been for our attitude of "servitude", Indian IT and exports industry would not be where it is - the White man has forced us to work hard and deliver quality.

Other than family-owned businesses, there is hardly any other business that has achieved great success - nepotism is not only widespread but also a reason for sustained business performance by the Indian family-owned business houses.

It's been a while...

Lying sick in bed all day long. Watching the hours creep by. Makes me realize how quickly the days are flying by. A sales job makes each day gone by seem like inching closer to death - if the numbers are not as per target, then each day adds to the cup of misery.
However, it is important to have goals - and plan - and execute to get to that goal. So, sales is making me set goals for myself - which is important - else, it's like running around like a headless chicken.

2 months exactly to go for marriage. No cold feet yet - but a realization that effort should be continuous.

Its been a while

Post-engagement, pre-marriage, new job: the busy-life. More of running around on the personal front and getting my feet wet on the professional front. Quite a lot of action with no great results to talk of! Hopefully, those should come by soon.
Joining the new job has been a good decision so far... lot of intellectual work...combined with sales. "Value-selling" as they call it. Better than transactional product selling, for sure.
A step in the right direction...but I need to perform as a sales guy first - for the company, and as an intellectual for my own personal growth agenda. Seems very much possible though.

Need to go back to the mindset of living for the day - back to the college days - more activities and action.

Joblessness, Engagement and Stocks

Currently jobless - and loving it! Time off from work in the true sense. Relaxing and rejuvenating in mind and body. Although, the cooler climate ensures that I sleep more than usual - but, what the heck - one doesnt get such breaks often!

The engagement is coming up - no cold feet yet - is it supreme confidence or supreme hopelessness??!! Looking forward to wearing some nice clothes. Patience reserves will need to increase - south indian functions and too many people take a toll on my patience.

Stock markets have crashed - am finally entering through my first buy - hopefully the trade should get executed. It'll be a learning experience one way or the other. Time will tell.

29 years old

I turned 29 some days ago. I already feel 30! Upcoming marriage and job change are to blame for the "feeling old" thing!
Its a time of transition - and some changes which are life altering.

It's a period of excitement and anxiety, happiness and gloom, high and low.
Its a different experience.