Monday, June 29, 2009

Sadness about India's priorities

Here in the US, I look at the daily life - latest in technology reaching the public domain, the kids enjoying lots of outdoor games in well-maintained public parks, serious pursuit of hobbies by young and old alike, and many other things which appeal to my sense of a good life for a middle-class wage-earner.
When I surf the news sites of India, I hear about the same old clogged drains in Mumbai (leading to war-like traffic situation), education on auction, people fighting to create more states, ransacking of public property by political parties - things which make a middle-class wage-earner's life miserable and always at the mercy of his/her countrymen.

What affects ME may not necessarily affect everyone stuck in a muddle, during the mid-point of their lives. These differences in the lives of the same person in 2 different countries, make me wonder why I should go back to India - to the same problems that never get resolved, to the same mindsets that encourage cut-throat competition from early childhood in every walk of life, to the same struggle to stay one step ahead of the curve every single day.

Pros and cons considered - I think the US is a much better place for me to stay for the next few years. What happens after that is anyone's guess - and I dont want to think so far in the future.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Silly one-liners

Call me cynical, but I gotta say this. People have so little meaning in their own lives, that they hang on to the silliest one-liners and make it out to be some life-defining statement. Maybe its the clutter of the internet revolution, but I see the silliest one-liners on people's status messages on chat and networking websites. Why not just say what's your status? That's what a status message is! I've noted that especially in India (and my sample set is only India and US), people keep throwing one-liners and spend hours discussing those, like it's going to change their lives overnight. Words are to be lived, not just spoken, passionately discussed and forgotten - tell that to the "Argumentative Indian"!

In the USA

It's been a few days since I landed in the US. It all seems so familiar - in a nice sort of way. I dont know where the chase (of my dream) will take me. For now, I'm just soaking in the great weather (sunny days with cool breeze), enjoying time to myself and building up the momentum to the course. I can feel a story build up inside of me - my own, although a whole lot of my friends relate to what I will say. And maybe a larger population will relate to it as well. My theory of what a person becomes as a combination of internal AND external dynamics, is taking deep root as a philosophy of life. The idea of "Balance" is taking deeper root. The premise to the story is taking shape...the characters are lurking around somewhere, waiting to come on stage, the soundtrack is barely audible in the distance...a few more weeks and months and the story will come alive....my first!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Ladakh, Buddhism, and chasing my dream

I had an absolutely fantastic trip to Ladakh. It's a magical place with scenery that is so unique - desert, river, mountain and snow - all in one single photograph! I was just gazing out of the bus and watching the scenery unfold and transform every so often. And the serenity of being the only ones for miles on end (at least as far as the eye could see), was a feeling that humbled me. I had many "who are you" moments when I came face-to-face with the most majestic mountains - and my mind went back to the silly things I used to bother myself with at work and at home. And here I was standing - so little - in front of only one of God's innumberable humbling creations, and I asked myself the question - "who am I in front of this magnificient creation"?, "my worries are so insignificant as compared to what exists around me".

Buddhism came back into my mind and my life - the last time was when I travelled to Sikkim and Bhutan. The peace, the slow-and-almost-silent chants and the time-has-no-meaning feeling in a monastery pulled me towards the Buddha. When I sat with my eyes closed in the monastery, a number of thoughts went through my mind, and some of them started to shine - almost like I was being shown some truths of material and spiritual life. Some of these thoughts were:
1) Nirvana is about living in the present moment - free of the bonds of the past and the worries of the future.
This made my realize how much of my time gets wasted in thinking of the past and future, while what I have at that moment slips by forever.

2) Reduce the number of variables in your life.
I have overloaded my brain and my life with so many things - most of which that are out of my control. When I travel to work, I worry about the weather, the traffic, the conference call coming up, the sales figures, the tough client, etc, etc. I can hardly control 2 or 3 of these things, while the rest will never be in my control - the weather, for instance. Or traffic. And yet, these things occupy so much of my mind, that I get pensive and restless and lead a sad day yet again, without once realizing the pleasure of the song playing in my car and the pleasant memories associated with it.
In a larger context, I also worry about my marriage and my parents and my job and my house, etc, etc. The realization I had was that the monks renounce material attachments one-by-one until they are only living for the present moment. No attachments hold them back. No house, no car, no insurance payments, no boss, no spouse, no family. And I felt the awakening to the fact that I need to start reducing the variables in my life - one at a time. No sudden renunciation - that only leads to more unhappiness. One variable reduced at a time. One thing less to worry about. One step closer to blissful existence.

In 2 days, I embark upon the voyage to chase my dream - film-making, something I should have done 15 years ago, when I almost decided to apply to a course in movie making and management at UCLA. I am heading to UCLA now to pick up the string I had let go of - in the foolish pursuit of a "safer" and "happier" life. I feel now that I need to chase my dream sooner than later, so that no more time is wasted. I don't know where this will lead to, but the desire and passion to finally pursue my dream are too compelling. I am giving myself time and the opportunity to do something I've always wanted to do - with the support of my family - in the hope that it will lead to a happier and more fulfilling life. At the same time, the idea of "Balance between reality and dreams" is making me more grounded in my approach. I dont want reality to derail my dreams. And I cannot ignore reality. So, I will balance the two - because balance is really what material life is about. And the more I am cognizant about this balance, my actions will be more effective. And my dreams will become reality sooner. And my life will be happier.