Accept, dont expect

Probably the magic moment in my marriage. The realization that I need to accept far more than I need to expect. A person is who s/he is. Unless the person sees a need to change, s/he wont. So, my expectations remain unfulfilled as she does not see the need to change. Unhappiness increases. So, I decrease expectations and increase acceptance. Now, I am more peaceful and happier.
Expectation goes down -> Acceptance goes up -> Happiness goes up.
And now I try to explain the same to my wife - expect less from me to increase your happiness. So far, not much success...

There will be no other world war

Who creates war? Power-hungry politicians (or "leaders").
What drives power-hungry politicians? Power and money.
How does one get powerful? By making more money.
Who sponsors the power-hungry politicians? Rich businessmen.
How do rich businessmen make money? Cheap cost of production (including cheap labor) and huge markets.
Where are the cheap labor and huge markets available? Several developing countries.
What happens if there is a world war? Cheap labor and huge markets will suffer.
So, what happens? Rich businessmen become less richer and hence wont sponsor power-hungry politicians.
So, what happens? Power-hungry politicians lose power.
So? So, the basic ingredient of war (search for more power) is weakened.
And then? War will cease and economies will be spurred by the power-hungry politicians.
So, why create war in the first place? Exactly.

Hence, there will be no other world war. Money drives the world today and will do so in the future. When businessmen and politicians can make money, why make war?

Pendulum - between hope and despair

I am swinging between hope and despair. Since the beginning, I take a situation to its extremes - good and bad - and that is how I think about where I need to go. That's just my nature. Since things are not working out for me on the job-front, I frequently think about bankruptcy, going back to the job I hate, being the object of ridicule, etc (the "despair" phase). And then, while travelling on the Bombay local trains, I see a 70-year old man, carrying heavy cargo, still in the daily pursuit of his bread - that I wonder - I have been given a higher pedestal than him so that I can avoid the daily pursuit of livelihood and instead do so much more, with the luck of being born in a much better place and time. Essentially, the 70-year old man got a raw deal, and I got much more than him. Should I be thinking of giving it all up and just 'existing', or should I use the higher pedestal to work even harder and go on the path I am passionate about? (the "hope" phase).
I know the swinging will continue, but I hope it does not result in wasted time on pursuits not worthy of the luck I have been blessed with. Maybe next time, I will be born as the guy who lugs around heavy cargo even till the age of 70, all to get my daily bread.

Dark night of the soul

Plagued by self-doubt, loss in self-confidence and unsure of what to do next...
I used to hear people go through all of the above (almost as a well laid out process) when they try to do something different from their regular life-path...
I dont know when these experiences will end: most likely it will be when I finally get onto the path I have chosen or I go back to the path I had deviated from...
The wait is painful, the mind is numb, the clouds are upon me....it's the dark night of my soul...

Finding myself as opposed to trying to become someone else

"Be creative", "Look at that guy - try to become like him", "Be bold, risk-taking", "Try to emulate great people", blah, blah, blah.
Teachers, parents, friends, colleagues, bosses, books and everyone else has been feeding me with such misguided advice for so many years now. Well-intentioned, but thoroughly useless, such advice has made me spend many years trying to become someone I am not and will never be (thankfully!). And in the process, I have lost sight of who I really am. The true essence of my being has been hidden (not lost) by layers of insecurity, fear, self-loathing and denial. I cannot blame anyone for this condition but myself. No one held a gun to my head - it was I who listened to all this 'advice' and followed it blindly.
I am coming out of this conditioning, slowly but surely. Introspection is yielding results. And other efforts towards discovering myself, such as studying what I like, working where I like, etc is accelerating the process of self-discovery. I have also discovered that "listening to instincts" is absolutely fabulous. Intuition/Instinct is such a potent weapon, and yet I have let it rust for so long. I am listening to it for simple tasks like holding back on an email and saving it in my "Drafts" folder because intuition says the time is not quite right to send it yet. Also my reading of people based on gut has turned out to be a far smarter thing to do than keeping everyone on an even keel as per the misguided notion of "treat everyone equal". Well, everyone is not equal when it comes to individual thoughts and actions. And the results of such basic actions have been saving myself from getting embarassed as well as saving myself loss of money. Intuition only gets stronger the more I use it - and I fully intend to do so from here on.

Becoming myself will define my next years on this planet. I am not planning to become anyone else than what I already am. And I will love myself for it.